Drag me to Hell

 I've come to the unfortunate conclusion that more often than not, people would prefer to make others as unhappy as themself. Misery loves company but it seems that instead of people simply going out and finding others just as miserable as themselves, they would prefer to make the person they are with just as sorrowful. This has very often happened to me.

• Me: "I love Halloween."
• Other: "Halloween is satanic and all that candy isn't good for you."

Writing is another thing I like to do, and I'm often seen jotting things down in a notebook I carry with me. "Why do you have to write everything down?" I've been told. "Be like me and just keep it in your head."

Of course, I also draw, and it's common for me to be callously chastised for doing so. Here are a few remarks I've heard over the years:

• "You shouldn't be drawing. You need to focus on your work, instead!"
• "Drawing while someone is talking means you're not paying attention."
• "Quit drawing and get a real job."
• "Everything you do has drawings all over it."

I've often been derided for various other things like:

• Reading in general
• What I read
• Wanting to be alone
• Not talking
• The way I talk
• The way I open the curtains
• The way I work
• The way I walk

Sometimes people tell me that I shouldn't be so happy and remind me why. 

• "You may feel good now but wait till you get to be my age."
• "This month may be good but what about next month?"
• "You may really like apple cider, but all that sugar is going to make you fat."

I know I'm not the only one who goes through this, and I've even discovered it's a condition related to psychological concepts with real names. 

Misery loves company

There is no explicit technical term for this malady, but this common saying is often used to describe someone who attempts to drag others down into their own unhappiness. Psychologically it can stem from insecurity, jealousy, or a desire for validation. When a person is miserable, they feel less alone or threatened when those around them also feel bad.

Schadenfreude

This impossible-to-pronounce German word means taking pleasure in the misfortune of others. If a person's goal is to actively inflict unhappiness on others simply for their own satisfaction, they are experiencing schadenfreude. It's a key part of toxic and sadistic behavior.

Crab Mentality

This phrase or metaphor describes a way of thinking best described as "If I can't have it neither can you." The name comes from the observation that if you put crabs in a bucket they will easily escape, but any crab that attempts climb out is pulled back down by the others. A person with this mindset will sabotage your happiness or success so you don't see above their own level.

My Own,
Little Ole' Me, Viewpoint

I think the most common reason people are habitually cynical is because of pride. People want to be seen as intelligent, wise, and worldly. Even successful and happier people can be found to be negative toward others because they want to be seen as the person who has the answer. It's the, if it worked this way for me, then it'll work that way for everybody, condition. It's the person who gives unsolicited advice just to be lofty in other's minds.

The best way I found to deal with them is to just let it be, don't argue with them and possibly even confirm it in their own mind, much like in the spirit of Dale Carnegie. But sometimes I'll just tell the other person to "Shut-up!"

Mindset Again?

Master of Mediocrity

 

An opiate is defined as a substance derived from or related to opium which is used in drugs such as heroine, morphine and hydrocodone among others and is also addictive. It increases endorphins and relieves pain. 

An opiate can also be used to described something, like a condition, activity or a mindset that dulls the senses and accommodates one's sense of comfort and wellbeing. Although no actual drugs are involved in such a situation, endorphins are released in the brain to give a person a good feeling, for a little while. 

       What is the meaning behind 

"Modesty is the opiate of the mediocre"? 

One who is modest is someone who avoids praise, (especially self-praise) and is embarrassed at receiving compliments. A modest person avoids attention but, in my case, being one who depends on bringing attention to himself for the sake of financial viability, modesty is something I should avoid at all costs. In fact, it is critical that I should talk more of what I do and present myself as an authority in my field of endeavor. 

However, the pleasure I get from fading into the wallpaper in the back of the room to avoid all human interaction is, in my case, as detrimental to my career as being an addict.

Nobody likes being uncomfortable but sometimes one's survival depends on being so by doing things against one's nature like the self-promotion I mentioned earlier. Otherwise, in my case, I'm just a person with a hidden talent who is destined to die impoverished and unknown.

For a prints, click here 

https://www.redbubble.com/i/poster/Modesty-is-the-Opiate-of-the-Medicre-by-TeeCeeCo/174546745.LVTDI

The Conversion of Bob

 Those who preach the gospel of success often claim that once a person's mind is made up to succeed, then the universe begins to cooperate and clears the path of all obstacles and paves the way. But is this true and accurate?

On One Hand

If things don't respond in the way as described above, is it because the statement isn't true or is it because the person in question hasn't sincerely made up his mind to succeed? 

Success starts out as a mindset. If not, then the first hardship one encounters forces him to throw up his hands and say something like, "I'm cursed! Success isn't for me!"

The impediments to one's success may never actually vanish, as suggested by some gurus of prosperity, but because of one's successful mindset, the obstacles seem easier to negotiate, or maybe one is more willing to encounter them. The willingness someone has of working through barriers has much to do with his perception of them. 

How I respond to difficulties is a test of my conversion. 

But on the Other Hand

There is the notion that a real dream should come to you, and you don't have to chase it. Wow! That is rife with interpretations! The converse of that philosophy is that everything, especially things worthwhile, takes work, hard work, and sometimes at great sacrifice. It is also a grand fact that mistakes and failures are a big part of it. Like the late, great Tom Petty sang: 

"I'm running down a dream. It never would come to me."

There seems to be a tendency, especially among young Americans, that we are entitled to the fulfilment of our dreams and we deserve to have a fulfilling, satisfying and easy life when nothing can be further from the truth. When we see successful, wealthy people, doctors, engineers, attorneys, businesspeople, writers, artists, there is the perception that it's always been so for them when actually, what is rarely publicized is the hardships they endured to reach that level. 

No one deserves anything. It must be earned. 

Rudderless

 I had a mentor a couple of years ago who was most helpful to my career as a leader, and he was a real example. He was my greatest supporter and was paving the way for successes I could only dream of. But then he died, suddenly, and since then things have been different. I seem to have lost my way and am wondering in the desert, maybe waiting on another mentor.

I've come to the conclusion that there will be no other mentor. If there is to be one sometime in my future, it will come not by my will nor at my convenience. The fact is, I've enough knowledge and material to be my own mentor. 

God bless my previous mentor, and I greatly benefitted from his priceless knowledge and experience but now, instead of lying around waiting for someone else, I alone need to continue to apply his methods, without him. It's something I've been reluctant to do, out of intimidation, learned helplessness, or whatever, I can't say for sure. 

To turn things around is my responsibility and no one else's, so it's time to get off my duff, cross the Jordan and take that promised land. 

Time Marches on

 I get discouraged, not just sometimes, but often, because aside from a few victories and minor successes in my past, I have never really had any real, lasting success, neither in a career nor in my personal life. Sometimes I think my melancholy reaches critical levels of sadness, especially when I regard myself as too far gone in life for things to change significantly. I ask myself, "has the opportunity passed me by?"

I seek success in more than one area. I look to find accomplishment as a cartoonist, which most people who know me are well acquainted with, but that's not all. I also seek to be a capable writer who is not necessarily a best seller, but someone who, as a result of his books, is an authority in my specific field of endeavor. Of course, having an income derived from book sales is also something I would never turn away.

But this all leads back to my original question; has the opportunity passed me by at this stage?

One of my favorite books I've read is Late Bloomers by Rich Karlgaard and he addresses this very question, and it truly gave me inspiration. Karlgaard addresses the general issue of people who find success later in life and he gives many examples but one area I specifically seek is writing and cartooning. So, I researched the question to and here is an answer:

Yes, many writers have found success in their 60s and beyond, including those who published their first work at that age. Rather than being a barrier, starting to write later in life offers a depth of experience and perspective that can make for richer, more authentic stories. 

Authors who found success in their 60s

• Frank McCourt (age 66)

After decades as a high school teacher, McCourt published his memoir Angela's Ashes at the age of 66. 

It became a surprise bestseller and spent over two years on the New York Times bestseller list.The book went on to win the Pulitzer Prize for Biography and the National Book Critics Circle Award. 

• Laura Ingalls Wilder (age 65)

The author of the beloved Little House on the Prairie series began writing her fictionalized memoirs in her 60s. 

The first book, Little House in the Big Woods, was published when she was 65, and the series became a lasting literary success. 

• Bonnie Garmus (age 65)

Her debut novel, Lessons in Chemistry, was a smash hit that became a bestseller and was adapted into a streaming series. Garmus published the book at 65 after it had been rejected 98 times. She has stated that age doesn't matter for writers because "no one really cares how old you are". 

• Delia Owens (late 60s)

The bestselling debut novel Where the Crawdads Sing was published when Owens was in her late 60s.The book was a massive commercial success and was later turned into a film. 

• J.R.R. Tolkien (age 62)

While Tolkien published The Hobbit at 45, his greatest commercial and critical success came with The Lord of the Rings trilogy. He published the first volume, The Fellowship of the Ring, at the age of 62. 

• Sam Savage (age 65)

After giving up on writing in his 50s, Savage returned to it and found success when his first book, Firmin: Adventures of a Metropolitan Lowlife, was published at 65. It sold one million copies, and he went on to publish four more books. 

• Mary Wesley (age 70)

After her husband's death, British novelist Mary Wesley began writing seriously in her later years. Her first adult novel was published when she was 70, and she became a bestselling author, selling millions of copies. 

• Donna Gordon (age 65)

Gordon's debut novel, What Ben Franklin Would Have Told Me, was published at the age of 65. The book received critical praise and was selected as a top read by the Independent Book Review. 

So yes, writers specifically have found success later in life, and in particular at my stage in life, and since my question has been answered as far as best sellers are concerned, I think I can safely presume that there are many, many lesser-known writers out there who have found their own degree of success. I wish to become one of them and since it's possible, (in fact the odds, I think, are better than just possible) I intend to be one of them.

However, does this lead to another of my issues? I may expound on it in another post but, for now, suffice it to say, I'm plagued with Learned Helplessness. Well, if nothing else, it may be another subject included somehow in a future book I author.

Stop Wishing

 Confession time.

There are a series of wishes and wants I am in the habit of thinking and expressing. 

• I wish I had a house.
• I wish I could afford a new car.
• I wish I had good credit.
• I want help with my light bill.
• I wish business was better
• I want to walk every day.

The list goes on, but it's my mindset; it's what I think about that becomes the reality in my life. A more accurate description may be, it's how I think about it that becomes the reality.

Even if I don't audibly say the words out loud, they come in other thought forms like when I drive through a nice neighborhood and admire the lovely homes and well-manicured lawns. It's when I see someone driving a nice, well-maintained, clean car. It's knowing there are people having a tasty meal with their family in a nice restaurant. 

There is no reason why I can't have those things, none what-so-ever. The verbiage I use is only a reflection of the way I think but I can't help believing that the words I say, out loud, or to myself, reenforces my thoughts, my belief system and my reality. 

Change my verbiage, to change my mind, to change my reality:

• I am working toward owning a home.
• I will have a new car.
• I will change my credit rating.
• I will pay my light bill in time and in full.
• Business will improve by my own efforts.
• I am walking two miles every morning. 

Wishing for things is nonsense.