I'm a veteran of the U.S. Marines and I'm very proud to have served and honored to have been chosen as a Marine. The times, good and bad, were unforgettable and the victories and failures I experienced were monumental. I love the men I served with, and we developed bonds that were among the strongest possible.
You can take the man out
of the Marines but...
Can you take the Marines
out of the man?
Even after being honorably discharged, I was so attached to those days that they became spectacles through which everything I experienced was filtered. It was as though I was still living as a Marine many years afterwards and I didn't want to betray that perceived loyalty. I thought that by not remembering and honoring my days of service in everything I did as a civilian, I was somehow being disloyal to the U.S. Marines and to the men with whom I served. We kept in touch by social media, and I committed to a reunion I could scarcely afford to attend and was consumed with keeping in good standing with them.
I ain't alone
Many veterans do so, and it is like being frozen in time and worst of all it's paralyzing to one's mindset as it was to mine. It's as though an anchor and chain were attached to my ankle and has prevented me from making any real progress. It affected my decisions, my opinions, my work, my business, my marriage, my family, my friendships, everything. As I aged and the distance between the present and the past grew, the anchor became bigger and heavier with each passing year. It kept me worse than a failure.
It kept me mediocre.
But then, one day recently, I was hit with what seemed like a cold bucket of water when, through a series of revealing circumstances, I realized these men with whom I served, and the U.S. Marines, have nothing to do with me presently. The VA facilities I've been a part of for years are full of men living mediocre lives at best, and some on the verge of suicide because they have chosen to come under the dominion of ghosts from their past. Even though I never saw myself as one of those poor souls, I see now I was one of them, chained to events of long ago that I have allowed to taint everything I came into contact with.
Where were they?
But now I realize the men I served with didn't go to my wedding, they weren't present at the birth of my children, weren't there to console me when my father died, nor have they been with me at any other time in my life. In fact, they show very little interest in what I do, and I must admit, I feel the same way about them.
All of me
But there are others in my life now, today, who have been with me through those times, and it is they who deserve to have all of me. They are the ones who want all of me. Those are the ones where my loyalties should lie.
As I mentioned, my unit has reunions from time to time and for me to attend would be an unjustifiable expense and anyway, all it amounts to is a bunch of us getting drunk and talking about old times. These men I had little in common with then and the same is true now.
Yes, my time as Marine was truly special and unforgettable, even unmentionable, but it doesn't define me. It's only one ingredient in what makes me who I am and there were many other adventures that also make me who I am, but I am not chained to a single event or time period. Trying to flavor my meal with one ingredient makes for a bad dish.
I have finally broken loose from the anchor and said,
"Men, I love you and I'll never forget you or those times, but it's long overdue for me to move on."
Oh, I'll still wear Marine hats and T-shirts with documents, awards and photos on my wall and desk, but no longer will they dominate the space, and they are accompanied by photos and memorabilia of other unforgettable people and events in my life.
"Maybe we'll see each other again in the future, men, but good-bye, for now. "
